Unlock Deeper Intimacy in Relationships Using This Air Medicine Tool
In May, I am offering information from the air element, covering the topic of compassionate communication as we bask in the exciting energy of Spring. Last month, I covered the insights I have discovered for awakening one’s inner song. I will now take that one step further and share how air medicine can support expressing that inner song in various relationships.
This air medicine communication tool we are exploring here deepened my connection with my loved ones in profound and exciting ways. This has required me to expand into new levels of vulnerability. However, by connecting with air within the body, I have been able to feel safe while opening up to people in life.
It became possible to pour my heart out while being in my center. Cultivating more intimacy in relationships required me to expose myself. This, in turn, sends the message to those I am connecting with that it is safe to be honest. How I communicate can greatly determine whether I have a positive or negative experience when being vulnerable.
During periods of my life when I had consistently challenging experiences sharing stories with others, it resulted in me closing down. This led me to overly rely on conversations of intellect. The information fed my mind, but my heart became parched for connection because I was too afraid to be vulnerable. This pattern inspired me to look for solutions with the air element.
Bringing People Into My World
Even though it can seem counterintuitive, the safest way I have found with air medicine to express deeper thoughts and feelings is to bring people into my world. Of course, this still requires using discernment. It is important to trust my intuition if I want to share my energy with other people.
How we each experience life is entirely unique. I have had a certain upbringing and various life experiences. These all culminate in how I express myself and also how I perceive the world. To create intimacy in relationships, what other people desire to know to build trust with me is how I see the world.
What excites me? How do I make sense of my reality? Who inspires me? All of this information about myself welcomes the other person into seeing life through my lens. This is interesting for many people because that is different from how they see the world. There can be similarities, however, the perspectives will never be exactly the same.
To invite people into my view of the universe when communicating, it is supportive to speak in the first person. Narrating my life experiences and thoughts when speaking from the first person allows them to begin to understand me, and this is one of the first building blocks for creating long-lasting intimacy in my connections.
When I first made the transition to using ‘I’ in my storytelling of life rather than ‘you,’ it felt strange and uncomfortable. At times, I would notice that I would start telling a story from the first person, and then, as the details became more intimate or intense, I would switch to deflecting by replacing the ‘I’ with ‘you’.
Using this technique of speaking in the first person requires me to be comfortable owning what I say. I am putting my name on it, taking full responsibility for who I am and how I experience life. When starting out communicating in this way, speaking in the first person can feel like standing naked in front of strangers.
However, what I noticed when being vulnerable with people is that many will subsequently open up to me with more ease. This can be used for all kinds of connections. Whether I meet a new person at the grocery store or I am speaking to an old friend, vulnerability unlocks vulnerability. Air medicine has guided me to be brave and be the first one to open up.
An example of using a first-person narrative in storytelling would be:
I went to India a few years ago and experienced wonderful things. I never knew what wonders there are to see in the world. Life constantly surprises me, especially when I am traveling. I feel so free when exploring new places.
Being Conscious About Going Into Other People’s World
Another option that I have when communicating is to venture into the world of the other person. This naturally happens when speaking in the second person. If someone is not comfortable being vulnerable and standing by their experience using ‘I’, then they resort to using ‘you’, even if they have no idea if the person they are speaking with resonates with what they are saying.
It is intriguing because it is actually the avoidance of vulnerability that makes us more vulnerable to difficulty and harm in this communication dynamic. When I bring people into my world, I am the one calling the shots. I own what I say and can tell my story in whatever way feels aligned for me.
On the other hand, if I deflect the narrative onto the person I speak with, I hand the power over to them because, by the very nature of what I am saying, I am in their world. Therefore, they now control the narrative about something that I am communicating. It is a subtle word change that completely transforms the conversation.
This can lead to negative experiences occurring when being vulnerable because there is no way to know what is going on in someone else’s inner world. They can have triggers that make them lash out or insecurities that cause them to shut off. When using the word ‘you’ in the conversation, I am crossing a boundary and going into their human experience.
As I share the story or thought, it will create an emotional and physical response within their body about what I am saying. In comparison, if I speak from the first person, no boundary is crossed, and they can simply take in what I am saying and see how it feels for them. Maybe they have had a similar experience or do have a strong opinion.
They can openly share that, and it creates a lively dialogue, conversing about different human experiences. By all parties in the conversation using ‘I’, no one feels attacked, and therefore no one needs to defend themselves. This results in the communication being an open discussion rather than an argument.
An example of using a second-person narrative in storytelling would be:
I went to India a few years ago and experienced wonderful things. You never know what wonders there are to see in the world. Life constantly surprises you, especially when you are traveling. You feel so free when exploring new places.
Conscious Communication as a Sign of Maturity
This air medicine tool of consciously speaking from the first person evolves as we age into adulthood. When babies are born, they are not aware they are a separate person from their mother for months. Children continue to connect with their caregivers for emotional regulation and to navigate making decisions.
Their own internal navigation and regulatory systems are still developing, so they depend on adults to function in life. Then comes the time in adolescence to detach from the parents to find one’s way in the world. Once adulthood is reached, we are aligned with being separate, self-regulating beings. Of course, we still need community, but we can energetically care for ourselves.
In many parts of society today, the transition from child to adult is murky. There are no longer clear moments of initiation that would have been present in communities. Often, Indigenous people have rituals that are challenging that adolescents must undergo as they become adults. Once they make it through the ritual, they are then seen as an adult by the community.
These clearly defined moments that support this transition are rare these days, and therefore, we have to decide for ourselves when we have reached that new level of maturity. Some people reach it quite young due to life circumstances like losing a parent. Others are more sheltered and continue acting like children well into their adult years.
How we communicate reflects where we are on this scale of maturity. Constantly needing to deflect our experiences onto other people using ‘you’ in conversations shows that we need them to be the same as us. It is not comfortable for one reason or another to be a sovereign being living our own life.
I share this with the utmost compassion. As I mentioned above, this is largely a result of our societies and how communities are structured. Once we become aware of these signs, we can take steps toward communicating in a way that feels empowering. This has been a journey that I have embraced to feel in harmony and balance within, while communicating.
While making the transition to speaking more from the first person, I did my best to celebrate myself when I remembered to use ‘I’ rather than ‘you’. Supporting myself through the change with love made the transition easier and more joyful. Air medicine was present in each conversation, supporting me to remember how to live in alignment with my highest potential.
This practice has done absolute wonders in my life. I am an empathic, intuitive person, so these types of nuances in communication have quite an impact on how I feel in my body. Learning with the air element that I could be open and vulnerable while feeling safe within my body was a complete revelation that I welcomed with open arms.
It took time and patience to feel comfortable expressing myself in a new way, and naturally, breaking long-standing habits takes patience. What fueled me to continue on this journey was the amazing conversations I began to have with people. It also became easier to discern the people in life that I enjoyed sharing my stories with, and those who were not fully listening.
I wish for you wonderful, profound, and intimate connections in your life that support you in expressing your unique stories. May your wisdom and knowledge spread far and wide and bounce back to you in the form of a loving community. I believe what you have to share is sacred.
Shared with an abundance of love and light.
With gratitude,
Sofia
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